UNtil it bleeds...

Man.. first I really thanks God for everyone in Edmonds..
Recently..
nope..
actually I was and I am a person that..
need people just point my fault and mistakes out,
and pinch it and when it really bleeds..
I will try my best to take care of it..


I know it is wired,
but I liternally like that,
Mannn..><
I just dun want to feel apathy anymore mannn..
hikkss..
now i really feel the needs of GOD's GRACE...
pleaseee lahhh God,,
DO SOMETHING!
DO SOMETHING to let me focus on you..
so I will no more fall in sin!
DO IT!
DO IT JAYE!
God still needs your commitment,
Are you willing to bear the cross and walk with him no matter what??


Better be alert and ready anytime..

thankful

Today is our PDL session..
and there are something happen about it..
anyway..
I am thankful.

Its not easy for me to say thankful becoz I am a person that not good at giving thanks..
Maybe its easy from my mouth, but not from my heart.
Oh well, people just need to learn..

I am so thankful becoz I got a wonderful conversation with axel.
We chatted for a long time in msn tonite..
wow.. there are no hiding secrets and the presence of GOD is there!
I am so amazed.. He has told me some weakness that I don't even realise its wrong.
Its all start from my mouth.. and we shared about our struggles and problems..
at last, we asked for each other's prayer needs and end the conversation..

I was so longing for inner circle conversations.
Because through that, I can learn alot, people can see my weakness
and they point it out because they hope that I can grow and become a better person.
I was keep praying that people can just tell me my weakness directly.
So I can keep moving onwards.
I don't want to scared to make mistakes, because no matter what, we make mistakes.
But through mistakes, we can choose to accept and learn from it,
or just ignore and stay the same..
It might be hurt when people point it out, but actually that's my prayer!
Actually I want God to tell me directly, so I don't need to guess..
unforunately, God didnt answer me...
God uses others to tell me.. thankyou tuhan!!! makasih tuhann!!!

I promise I will make a change! and I will keep reminding myself about it!
getting a new inner circle with my club...hurray!!!!

Fireproof

Today is really a emotional day for me.
Being so up and down..even the snow didnt bring me any happier.
bitterness, loneliness, insercure, negative thoughts are coming to my mind every minute.
I was keep thinking why these things are all happen to me.
As my laptop's charger is broken, I got nothing to do.
So I called Angel and we went to the gym together..
We got a great quality time there, afterwards, as the house is lack of tissue rolls..
We stopped by ablertson which is just two minutes far from my house,
and we grabbed a movie - "Fireproof".. which is recommended by Angel and Joii..
We are both so excited to the movie, so we didnt even take a shower before we start to watch..
This movie is mainly talking about a fireman which has a marriage problem with his wife,
they are lack of communication, love, time, full of anger, agurement, tears and scream...
when they are deciding to divorce, The father gave him a book which included 40 days live changing.. The book is so sweet that every day is ended by an encouraging verse..
We kept crying after the middle part of the movie.. every part is so touching..
When the fireman said he was in..
When the fireman cried to his wife to ask forgiveness.
When the fireman ran to his mother and kept saying sorry..
so many scenes..
As I am not a married woman, maybe you may think most of the part are not related to me.
But for me, this movie is like I am watching an unbeliever, how he doubts God, and keep complaining about his life, and ONE DAY, he realized, he NEEDS GOD!
the BIG GOD that is keep loving him unconditionally.
I have learnt soso much from this movie.. totally blessed by that..